Beyond a hopeless end.. to endless hope?

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So CLAT is less than three months away. Do you randomly think about not making it to the league of national law schools and is this accompanied with thoughts of an afterlife? If it is a Yes, breathe! You are not alone. Almost each one of us here has been through this phase and the real achievement lies in crossing this line you draw for yourself subconsciously in the midst of endless study circles! This line is about a million times darker for a ‘second timer’ as people like me are termed. I looked for encouragement and browsed and read through a plethora of articles to understand what it is like to face a life if I did not make it the second time. And this is precisely why I am writing this, not as a run for sympathy or blatant boasting, but only to warm certain hearts I can very easily relate to.Hope-Quotes-14

The thought of law as a career struck me late in my 11th standard when science proved to be way beyond my standards. While my chemistry teacher derived organic compounds, I tried to derive logical conclusions and legal reasoning. In the process, I began to be different too. I refused to give JEE, AIEEE or CET unlike my friends who worked their backsides off. All I wanted was a seat in one of the premier law schools. But the thought of shutting all my options, invited a never ending series of advises from everyone around, mostly Amma and Appa. I remember skipping a heartbeat now and then, but I believed in myself, even when my ranks were no where close to what it would take to even stand out of a law school gate, though there were momentary phases of eccentricity! I slogged for almost ten hours a day or more depending on my level of concentration. The second Sunday of May.. I was well ahead in time, simply to admire the college. Before going into the exam hall, I whispered into my dad’s ears, “NLS or NALSAR, Appa.. I shall make you proud.” My paper did go well, but I knew for a fact that if the paper was easy for me, it would have been easy for all. And that is how it turned out, the results were messed. Same marks, at least thirty people. I then realised, that my preference list was messed up to and it gradually began to dawn on me that I could not kept the promise I made to dad. On a larger picture, it was a dream I thought, I could never live. I felt I had let down everyone who stood by me when I chose law as a career, particularly my brother. I somehow wanted to do law and joined a college, not a national law school, but pretty much a good college, doing very well in the mooting arena today. It was extremely tough for me to accept the college because I had my expectation levels set at a different level. I loathed going to college, yet I made some of the best kind of friends. The college was so traumatising to go to because of nothing other than my mindset that I chose to quit after two months and get back home. Yes, I quit! I gave up. I packed my bags and I was home. My parents never gave up on me; neither did my relatives or friends. But people did question and speak about my decision, loud enough for me to lock myself inside my room for days! I was under depression and nothing helped; advises words, music, movies, and food. Nothing! And when I say if felt like the end of world, trust me! It did. But one day, my dad spoke to me about considering CA, more so because that was the only viable option left in the middle of the year and since it was his field also. Being a science student, I had my own qualms about clearing CPT (common proficiency test- the first level of CA). But I had no option and the more I studied, the more I began to like the subject. I did clear the exam with distinction. I went on to study for the next level and I was very determined to give CLAT a try. I studied side by side, but my preparation was no where close to the previous time and after having given CLAT, I had given up on making it. I was satisfied with CA as a career, but I wanted law! Rank 107, the college list came up the next day. I knew I would miss NALSAR by a few ranks and yes, I landed in NUJS. Mum wouldn’t let me go I knew. It affected me so much, that I needed a counsellor this time. The moment I came back from the counsellor, the second rank list was out. I had made it! To NALSAR! I saw my dad turn into a kid again when he was jumping along with me and my mum had tears, of joy, of sadness because for her it meant, I would leave home. All is well and for her, I go home every month!

I am sure as you are reading this, you have this thought that luck ruled my world. But take my word; it took a lot for me to be where I stand today. Perseverance, most importantly. Work hard and trust me it is worth it! I know how much this place means to me and there are times when I sit in class and think of how much I yearned for this. It is definitely worth it to live your dream. It is an achievement in itself. But one thing, law school is not easy either. It is filled with project, presentations and academics and staying away from home is no fun especially in the middle of the night before project deadline, when sleep is killing you and you don’t have your mum to make you a cup of coffee! So, even if you don’t make it, trust me, you won’t lose on anything big because the world is big and who knows, your true talent may lie elsewhere. Discover yourself like how I did when I chose CA. Keep your options open; don’t be prejudiced in choosing them. Had I written CET, my life would have been much simpler. Don’t ever give up. Though I don’t regret quitting that college, I regret wasting my time and dad’s money. Don’t dream that your life is settled if you make it to a National law school; it is a myth, life has a different side when you enter a law school. And most importantly, believe in yourself and don’t think the world will end if you fail. Your parents will not disown you, your relatives will not look down upon you and your friends will not detest you. And if others do all that I mentioned, who gives a damn? And remember, “The wound is where the light enters” – Rumi.

Keep dreaming and working!
Cheers!
Can’t wait to read your story! =)

All the best!
Varsha Deiveegan,
Class of 2015 – NALSAR University of Law.

63 COMMENTS

  1. Dis story bolster me 2 do well in clat nd nlu-d dis time ,, i relinquished everything when i fell short of 1 marks in nlu-d .. It really hurts me ,.but the door of DU was open 4 me nd i got admitted into Hansraj college of commerce nd i felt reprieve dat time .. I really enjoyed mah Delhi life 4 2months but den i gave a thought 2 myself whether i was justified in my act, den mah friend told me about Clat .. nd i made up mah mind i decided 2 give clat a chance dis year as i wasn’t able 2 gave it last year … If i make through any of de nlu’s i will give dis credit 2 mah friend Anubhav den clatgyan nd last not de least mah “Delhi life “which had driven me 2 take dis bold step 🙂

    • I m glad 2 know tat i m not d only prson on dis earth 2 quit college in first year without completing my graduation as i was told by every1….lifes been worse than hell in this 1 year bt i kept doing my job……ur story really raised my confidence level….thank u so much fr sharing ur inspritional story with all clat aspirants ….its really gonna give them a boost….n well i dont dream f getting into NALSAR bt i will be glad if i get top 4-5 colleges f CLAT or nlud….

  2. It’s really a motivating story.thanx for sharing ur xperience.it has helped me alot to slash my tension.thank you so much!!!

  3. Man, u had cheesed me off by making such allegations, u are doubting the veracity of my statements , i used an alias overhere dats why u area not able 2 track mah name in dat list, … If u want i can disclose mah name 2 u,. But i won’t ,file an RTI den i would disclosed mah name 2 u 🙂 keep guessing it ..???

      • Virath ?? Or watevr ur name is ..Y r u masking urself if u really Got into NLu D..(I mean u cud not get into NLU D just by 1 mark)…
        Keep ur beautiful name to ursself …We dnt need it

            • Juvenile arguments make me laugh. Laughing calms the nerves. Calm nerves help me study. Studying increases my chances of doing well. Hence, this argument has officially benefited one person. So, if you want to increase your chances and decrease mine, stop arguing. Eliminate the competition. 😛 And in case you’re wondering it’s just one person, think again. 🙂 Could make a difference.

              ( The comment above is a general statement, made in good humor, with careful observation and analysis, and a genuine intent to motivate and not intended to disregard anyone’s personal opinions, statements or comments. It is not to be misconstrued as another argument.)

  4. Wow. I think your story is sort of an example of when hardwork and destiny meet, and there’s no escaping destiny. (not to be confused with luck.) I have crazy nightmares about messing up the paper, about not getting in. Expectation in general brings a lot of misery. So I learnt to keep the expectations low and the passion and perseverance on an all-time high. 🙂 Something that I inferred from my momentary paranoia and crying bouts. I can relate to so much of the agony. And I also learnt not to be so hard on myself, that doesn’t help when you’re trying to work your backside off. 😀 Thanks so much! Your humble ,inspiring, heartfelt account gave me hope. “Who gives a damn?” – my personal favourite line. 😀 Oh well, hope my law school dream works out for the good. Thanks again. 🙂

  5. I can’t describe in words what’s going on in my head right now.. It’s weird.. It’s insane..It makes me feel…… Uuh.. I was about to write a poem on this.

    On a serious note, thanks Varsha for sharing your experiences. It’s always good to wake up and see that the world has not ended and some people are there to motivate you.

    CG, I am genuinely thankful to you [‘you’ as in ‘all you CG guys’] Do you know why you get so much of L.O.V.E.? It’s not because you help us in our preparations [:P Yea digest it… ok fine, let’s add an ‘only’ to make it not ONLY because] but because you make us think simple.. 🙂

  6. nice post. 🙂
    i too have taken an year-off, left DU in the 2nd week of the session and decided that i want to do law and clear CLAT this year.

  7. TEARS ROLLED FROM MY EYES….COZ SUMWHER FROM CORE OF MY HEART I ALSO WANT MY PAPA TO BE PROUD OF ME…EACH LINE OF YURS R EXTREMLT INSPIRING….THANKS A LOT ND I WILL GIV MY BST THS TYM 4 SURE…….

  8. I just can’t belive wat I have read just now.I’m speechless, her story is 100% similar to my.I started with Science things went bizzare for me couldn’t make it last year I also wanted to join a law college but didn’t ended up doing CA (CPT) cleared it and side by side preparing for clat and nlud there’s just this last thing left to complete my story A SEAT IN NLU(top 5) and I also wanna make my mom nd dad proud I can imagine how happy they will be when a will make it to a NLU

  9. even i am screwed up with my prep and everybody competing with me in my coaching class has more knowledge than me….i don’t have an year to drop…and the reality check is m not competing with 5o people around i am competing with 22000 people all over India…:(

  10. if you can guide a bit about how and what to study? how much of static gk and how much of current affairs?
    and the way to max legal reasoning paper
    kvl

  11. Wow! Truly inspiring! Speechless.
    I must admit that this is the BEST article ever on ClatGyan. Nothing has inspired me as much as this article..
    #Salute

  12. Thank you so much! It seems to be exactly MY STORY… I too joined a college and left it in between and hope that my story too ends well. Your article seems to be a Blessing to me 🙂

  13. even i want to make my father proud..and ofcourse i will do that..either of the two NLSIU or NALSAR … ur story helped boost my confidence a bit more..thank u so much 🙂

  14. heyy!! thnx fr this article.. truly inspiring..
    i cn relate myself to ur story..
    i also told my dad before entering the examination hall tht i would make it to an NLU..result out.. more thn 50 people on the same rank..yes! i failed.. whole world seemed whirling..i was almost into depression.. but, my ‘troubleshooter’ i.e. my brother din’t let that happen..thought to join NIRMA.. filled the form.. I could easily get selected(scored 114 in CLAT).. but, then the person I trust the most, my brother, askd me to take another chance.. just like u people around me too, din’t miss any chance to humiliate me.. but, my family din’t let me feel down..
    the only difference in our story is that U have achieved ur target.. n i m yet to give my second attempt.. i hope, like u i would also be able to make it to my dream college this year!!!(inshallah) fingers cross..!!

  15. Varsha, is very candid.It really takes a cuple of attempts to get int the IVy law school. these kids just out of school do not know how to address the exam paper it is more time mangement and stressavoidance.
    A couple of simulated training which isnow not giiven will prepare these kids better
    Above all, as Varsha says world does not come to an end. New opportunities open up, we rediscover ever time the door gets cloes and we learn to take life more maturely

    Who can say that youkids will make a mark in life only if you pas out of these law colleges. many from thee hae been written off.I am not decrying the output but only stressing that it is ultimately you as an individual who can create your life

  16. Its overwhelming to know that am not the only one whose considering law despite being in an mpc section of a corporate college. doing law was like a passion since school but then things took a different turn and some how. i landed where i am now, in Inter second year, preparing for JEE, eamcet and stuff with no love for subject. I haven’t gone to coaching classes for Clat nor do i know the level of competition here. still i just wanna crack through it, once, no matter whatever it takes! I request you to please lend me simple suggestions on what all to refer. I am following this site, word power by lewis norman for english, Hindu newspaper for current affairs, manorma year book for GK. Please help me by suggesting what all to refer. I promise i’ll try my best. awaiting reply.

  17. The most inspirational read ever… its a beautiful story Varsha Di!! Hats off to you and ClatGyan for this altruistic attempt. 🙂

  18. omg this is awesome!
    your story made me more confident, not that i WILL do it, but that if i give my best i CAN do it..
    i loved your story and can very well relate myself to it (though i am not doing CA), a dropper and not in any college.
    thank you loadsss varsha..:) 🙂 🙂

  19. Hello Author, It was very nice that you shared your experience with clat aspirants, and I’m also giving clat for the second time; last year my score was very low, it was 96. and my AIR was 7000 +, i don’t remember it exactly. And i’m a person who has an arch rivalry with “Luck”, speaking truly, it never worked for me. though this year i’m happy that they have introduced negative marking. Now sheer luck won’t help, to people who are fond of saying “10 tukke maarey.. 8 sahi ho gaye”. How much i hate that! Anyways… My problem is that I’m not able to focus on any subject. When i’m doing logic, my mind starts bothering me for english. when i’m doing english, i feel worried about gk.. And the result is this, that i’m not able to do anything.. yeah it may seem absurd and ridiculous but these two words make my life.. sometimes i think that one should make a movie on my life lol, it’s all downhill… #Huh..Please help me 🙂

  20. Man, this was just so touching. I will you all the very best in all your future plans! This definitely healed many wounded hearts and gave a ray of hope to scared souls. Beautiful. Got me emotional and teary eyed because it is SO damn relatabe 🙂

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