This article has been submitted by Karan Vijay for the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition. If you think it’s a good read, ‘Like’ the article (the button is at the bottom of this piece) or post a comment using the ‘Comments’ section below.
When I first heard about the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition, I was very excited; not because I loved to write but because I loved the idea of it: to write something. Honestly, I have never written anything worth reading but I have always pictured myself doing so. To take some inspiration on what to write, I switched to the other entries of this competition. Almost all of them were sad-clichéd experiences and heart-wrenching stories of people, who I believe, are known by their 3-digit CLAT ranks, crying over how they deserved NLSIU more than anything. Probably, that’s what that makes NLSIU or any of the other top colleges so great – their demand.
To those guys who felt as if their entire world was shattered to pieces when the results came out – well, so did mine and so did thirty-nine thousand odd people. What’s more depressing is that there are more people who are crying out saying that it’s unfair or unlucky even after having actually got an NLU than those who didn’t even get one. Typical human tendency.
Let’s switch over to something less monotonous as I don’t want to bore anyone with my first write-up. A few days ago when the AILET results came out, they were more of a compilation of all ranks and marks. A PDF file of 363 pages to be precise, people start from the first one (optimism rules!). I started from the 363rd page without CTRL+Fing my way around, thinking about what would I do if I find myself here, being a pseudo-dropper who was literally “all-in” when he sat down to write these exams, just as a mental exercise without taking into account the existence of CLAT to make it more ‘risky’.
I switched off the computer and started thinking. It felt bad. Like, I almost cried that I was doomed with no future, no job and was faced with die-alone type of consequences. Later, I asked myself, “Does this rank define me, make me something different, and make me a lesser person than what I already am?” I was not pacifying myself with some heartwarming response that an NLU was not everything – a message mostly told to CLAT aspirants by people who are from themselves from NLUs. I was just adapting to the idea that even though I badly screwed it up, it’s “me” who is badly screwed. It’s difficult to understand but it’s beautiful once you come to terms with it. That Galileo had been wrong and you are the centre of your own universe.
As I climbed up the pages, ideas started flowing into my mind with what all I could do and with what all I can be in this world. For example, on page 350ish, I got an idea for a startup called ‘beerU’, a Food Panda type alcohol delivery service for college students. 100 pages down the line, I got more ideas, self-incubating stories in my mind that I can write about, things I could do. How to bounce back in my existing college where I had wasted two semesters for dedicated CLAT preparation. It’s like as I went up the waterfall of names, the salmon in me grew stronger.
There was nothing to rant about or to curse anything. No, I did not lose time anywhere. My coaching classes didn’t suck. My invigilators didn’t give us the answer sheet late or took them early. I was responsible for myself for the first time in my life and it felt really interesting; not good but interesting.
In my last attempt at AILET, I had ended up at AIR 2540 on page 62. This time at AIR 2540, I looked at it, saw another name that wasn’t mine and now all the metaphysical contemplation of my various futures took a backseat and boy, the happiness kicked in! I was happy (not very) but tranquil enough to keep this ‘alternate timeline of NLU-D’ alive.
This so-called journey gave me the answers the above mentioned people were looking for, in the pieces of their ‘shattered dreams’.
“Oye khotte, sapna toota hai na? Toh ek toot gaya, toh dooja dekh le! Kisne mana kiya hai?”
Now, I have to conclude and I have no idea how; maybe a moral would do, right?
A befitting moral for all the ‘devdases’ – You know even those Gods in NLSIU or NALSAR will find themselves on page 363 at some point of their life. Everyone will. The point is that, on whatever page you are, remember, it’s you who is on that page and a page has to end somewhere. Here is to that page 363 of our lives, our lowest point and our greatest opportunity for betterment.