This article has been submitted by Swastik Sanyal for the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition. If you think it’s a good read, ‘Like’ the article (the button is at the bottom of this piece) or post a comment using the ‘Comments’ section below.
The day was passing as usual, when I met a gentleman with whom I seemed to have a close association with. We got chatting when he congratulated me on my recent widely-acclaimed debut in the Hollywood movie and a recent appearance in an award show. Now, I am usually stoic in the face of such praises and adulations but something was different about this. The kind of emotional cocktail this situation stirred, the buzz was addictive. I took leave and sauntered towards home, pondering that maybe this is what I am meant to do. Maybe, I should quit my job and focus on acting full-time. I decide to arrange resumes and portfolio shots pronto and seek auditions. I was feeling so lucky to have found my “purpose”.
The next thing I remember is waking up in my bed, still buzzing with excitement but I couldn’t remember how I got there. Still in my bed, half-asleep, I began to wonder, “Is this all a dream?” But how could it be when it felt so real, so visceral while I can still feel the excitement? But why can’t I remember the name of the movie I starred in? Was that a Freudian apparition? I saw my sister sleeping nearby. Should I wake her up and ask her? That is going to be embarrassing. I am going to make a fool of myself. ‘Let me think hard’, I thought. By this time the sleepy veil had lifted and it all came back to me. I could not remember any of the faces or any other details, for that matter. The realization took quarter of an hour to set in and the deluge of awareness washed away the buzz and the haze.
I seem to understand the emotional residue leading to the manifestation of the central dilemma. But what eludes me is – why an actor?!