This article has been submitted by Smriti Tripathi for the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition. If you think this article is a good read, ‘Like’ this article on Facebook (the button is at the bottom of this piece) or post a comment using the ‘comments’ section below.
When I started writing, I never intended, or imagined that I’ll write something as offensive as this. But, since we all ‘need a break’, here it goes to the amazing creatures I met.
Life is miserable, unkind and cocky. But thanks for being there when I looked for little reasons to smile and laugh in my monotonous routine. The mere appearance of you makes me giggle, let alone the way you speak and act. You fake brands when you actually use dumped stuff. That dress you brought yesterday makes you look plump and NOT hot! You wear shorts when your legs are of an elephant. And, then you ask me all the way why all these guys are so obsessed with you that they can’t help but stare. You talk about the on-screen couples all day long and Cosmopolitan is your bible. Oh please! Give me a break girl. The next time I hear any more of this Saif-Kareena conversation and I’ll burn all your magazines. You look like a pig when you pout but still you don’t have a single smiling picture and you don’t bother about how many times I’ve tried telling you to hold on that slutty look. You fake accents and say you don’t get Hindi a bit but that’s what I hear you speaking to your mom, isn’t it? You go ‘Awwww‘ and ‘ily’ at every random girl you talk to and back-bitch in a second. I wonder how much of bitching-hormones did the almighty bless you with. Female-dogs would be so jealous. You count your crushes like I count my money. You blame the ‘orthodox’ crowd every time you return from a party because no guy approached you. That’s so sad! Given the surplus amount of make-up you applied, I pity you. Oh! And, please! Don’t tell me about how that guy approached you and you made him beg to you like a dog! And please, for the love of god; stop giving me your precious advice to accept every other proposal I get. Seriously; NOT interested. You make the language sound so plastic. I’d love to know why you call it choooo(so), chweeeet(sweet), uh(you), puhlexxx(please) when the original version is so short & simple. When I sit down to study, don’t go bragging and branding the cheap handbag you just brought from Sarojini as Mango. Whenever, god forbid, but; mistakenly, whenever I talk any brainy stuff to you, don’t tag it ‘boring’ or ‘dry’. I might just murder you for insulting the very oxygen of my life. Please eat some of your make-up so that you can be pretty on the inside and replace the pout with a genuine smile for your outside-beauty.