The Dirty Picture

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This article has been submitted by Bharkavi S for the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition. If you think this article is a good read, ‘Like’ this article on Facebook (the button is at the bottom of this piece) or post a comment using the ‘comments’ section below.

Where do i start with? From the time i took a decision to do law way back in tenth(2008)? Or my resolve to crack CLAT and thus joining a “ hundred percent results guaranteed” coaching centre in my 11th? The  2011 CLAT fiasco? Hmm..maybe i can begin from there..or not. Thing is i didn’t make it to any of the colleges under CLAT in 2011, and i was just so passionate about doing law “only in one of the top three colleges” and especially ‘fantasising” literally about nlsiu, i resolved to do it all over again. To get out of my house i joined “school of law” sastra university.( Never heard of it? Don’t blame you). That was when i came across clatgyan.” What an idea sirji”? was the first thought that struck me. Also, i came across the articles “beyond a hopeless end to endless hope?” by varsha deiveegan and  “the genie, the maze, the lamp” by aastha bhansali. These articles increased my resolve to write CLAT again. So i brilliantly packed my bags and came home after the first semester. I said “it’s CLAT or nothing” and studied. I’m not going to get into details of how many hours i put in, where i studied from. But, i gave it all i had. I literally poured my heart and soul into the CLAT preparation.  Trust me, solving 32 online mocks and 15 manual mocks is NOT  a joke. And analysing EVERY question after EVERY mock is definitely not a joke. I did all of that.  I didn’t give a damn about nlu-d cause my focus was ALWAYS nlsiu. Come may 13, 2012, 5:00 p.m., one line i had read while randomly  googling about CLAT second timers came to my mind, “ the bell rang and it was over. I could literally see my dreams come crashing down”. Exactly what i felt. After days of googling, surfing, screaming, crying and a well quite a lot of positive thinking as well, may 28th dawned. Bright and clear. This was the day, judgement day, MY DAY, really?

Having read a plethora of articles about second-time success, one would naturally think this was one of those articles. That’s where there’s a twist in the tale. I didn’t make it. To any of the colleges. A score of 121 isn’t getting me anywhere. My world that i had so carefully constructed brick by brick, inch by inch, crumbled. I felt dead. Life lost all it’s meaning for me. Also, i don’t have great board marks. GLC, ILS are out of question and i didn’t write symbi. Which meant that i wouldn’t become the hot shot lawyer that i had always pictured myself as. I wasn’t going to do law because my parents had said a strict no to any other law college as i had come back from sastra only because i wanted a better place, infact the best place to study law. It felt like the end of the world and still does. Right now i have a seat in a pretty decent college to do B.A.journalism. A course most people think would suit my personality. But you know what? I want to study torts, contracts, IPC, jurisprudence, consti, etc. Not reporting and writing, photo journalism and the likes. Not that i don’t like those subjects, but because those are not the subjects i wanted to study. Want to study. Will always want to study.

People said that maybe “GOD” has something better in store for me. Whose god to decide what’s right for me? Who but me has the right to decide what i want to do with my life? Apparently the nut-cases in the CLAT committee do. I didn’t want to do law because it’ll get me a job with a fat pay package, but merely because of my love for the subjects. Be it law or the pre-law subjects, especially sociology.

Will i write CLAT 2013? I don’t know if i have the mental or emotional strength to. I feel completely drained of emotions. My tears glands have dried up. My future looks dark because i’m not going to do what i love.

Moral of the story: A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Be practical, sensible, but still chase your dreams. I don’t know how i am going to chase  mine, but just saying. Life is unfair, shit happens, cliché, cliché. It’s basically a dirty picture.

14 COMMENTS

  1. Same situation this side!Though i did not cry after the results(i knew my result as soon as I went through the question booklet) but i have no words to describe how it feels inside when i think that i could not make it despite putting whatever-i- had into clat preparation.I too have a seat in du(b.com(h)) but I do not enjoy it and I don’t think i will be able to make anything out of this course!Complete darkness all around 🙁

    • Same situation here . All my dreams are shattered ,all my friends have got a place in there dream college and for me i feel as if life is on halt ….. all people are running ,moving fast towards there aim and my life sucks . Situations are worse when relatives , neighbors asks me what are you doing and when friends put status on fb about the college they got in . And yes i can give all daily soap’s lead actors a tough competition. People do say “God” may have some other plans for you ….. but the question is why me ……….why does god have different plan for me …….. why can’t my plan be the original plan. But I just hoping for best and i am preparing my self for the worst .

  2. One thing that comes through, quite clearly in your article, is that you have a lot of courage. Courage to take risks, and the courage to admit that your move back-fired. That in itself will take you places in life, regardless of whether you do it as a lawyer, a journalist, or in any other profession. Just going by that I have a strong feeling that you will give CLAT 2013, and God willing, you will come out on top!

  3. I am a student who is studying in one of the top law colleges of India. However what I realised after one year of law study is that college really doesn’t matter after a certain degree. If  you are good at it and as you say, got love for the subject then you should pursue law only from any college you want. After all lawyers like Ramjethmalani were not produced from any law schools!!!  So go out and chase your dream yaar……………….Best of luck 

  4. I saw your post recently and the timer right shows only 4 hours left for CLAT 2013 , and my conscience is telling me that you will do it this time. Wish you best of luck buddy :)….i can understand the situation of everyone giving CLAT 2013….best of luck to all the hard workers god is not unfair he just takes your tests sometimes.
    🙂

  5. This reply is one year to late , but wow, man you totally gave NLUD the backbench treatment which I found slightly unnerving because I might go there to study , but never mind you’re entitled to your own opinions. Anyway, I hope you pass your clat exam this year with flying colors. I.e., if you attempted it.

  6. well……..i feel so relieved coz i thought their is no one like me .but reading all these make me calm. im not a complete failure.though i suffered a heavy defeat in 2012 clat i made to SLS CUSAT ,for BBA LLB HONS . BUT i was not satisfied ,though my lawschool stands within top 20 lawschools in india.i tried again but AGAIN failed…I KNOW IM FORTUNATE ,atleast im in lawschool.
    but whenever i hear about NLS ,NALSAR ,NUJS etc my heart breaks.MAY BE IM A LOOSER but my consti miss gifted KESHAVNANDA BHARATI CASE as assignment to me. AND my torts miss always retains my answer paper after showing me .i topped in torts and contracts.BUT still clat hunts me down im desperate and sad .i cry sometimes.Actually now i dont care nls or nujs .i just need a NLU tag.let be ranchi , odisha,or raipur.BECAUSE IM NOT ABLE TO STOP DREAMING .

  7. Not to sound cynical, and I know CLAT can be an extremely luck-based exam (even with -ve marking), but if you didn’t get through to a top law school , you obviously didn’t work hard enough. And this goes out to all the other people who are blaming everything except themselves for their CLAT failure.
    Grow up people, every law aspirant dreams of NLSIU but in the end only 80 kids achieve that dream. Keep an open mind and stop acting as though your world is gonna end if NLS isn’t achieved.
    You also made it sound like you were too good for NLU-D or Symbi or any other law school except NLS. You people should stop acting as though NLS is your God-given right and that anything below it isn’t good enough for you. If solving 40-50 mocks was an assurance of NLS, then most of us here would probably be there at the top.

  8. Hi all,

    the following letter was posted to CLAT-2014, helpdesk on the dirty trick they are playing on CLAT-2014 Results, now in a dole drum :

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I am a guardian of one of CLAT-2014 U/g entrance exam. candidates. As per the official ‘Final CLAT brochure.pdf’, under table ‘Important Dates’, page no. 78, you have provided following details :

    Item 6. Date of Declaration of Results : 31st May 2014 (Saturday)
    Item 9. Commencement of counseling period for first 2500 candidates : 1st June 2014 (Sunday)

    At the bottom of the same page you have mentioned followings:

    If any of the proposed dates falls on a public holiday (non-banking day) or in case of any emergencies, the next working day will be reckoned as the due date.

    Prima-facie, it appears that you are very well aware that you are going to publish the result on a late weak end and you are keeping the door open for enrollment for counseling as ‘start date’, if some one furnishes the required amount of Rs. 1 lakh thru’ online or offline payment mode.

    To me this appears to be a very big ‘gate-way’ to adopt unfair means of blocking the eligible candidates and trading the seats.

    In reality, you published the results close to mid-night of 31st May 2014 (Saturday) 2014, so that very few candidates actually knew the results were out on that very night. You did not open the online payment gate throughout 1st June 2014 (Sunday). Prima-facie, an intentional approach.

    Only a few of candidates know that in a selective progressive states, the banking operation does takes place on holidays (Sunday) by a few selective private banks (like in the State of Gujarat).

    So all these steps means a premeditated approach to debar the eligible candidates on the merit and preference and to open the floodgate of corrupt means.

    I will request clarifications on behalf of all candidates and their parents to defend your position on all actions taken by you in preparing the schedule important dates.

    I am also forwarding a copy of this letter to our hon’ble minister of higher education, law & justices and consumer protection forum to be aware of this event.

    Thank you and looking forward to hear from you sooner.

    Thanks.

    – Suresh Sharma.

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