This article has been submitted by Bharkavi S for the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition. If you think this article is a good read, ‘Like’ this article on Facebook (the button is at the bottom of this piece) or post a comment using the ‘comments’ section below.

Where do i start with? From the time i took a decision to do law way back in tenth(2008)? Or my resolve to crack CLAT and thus joining a “ hundred percent results guaranteed” coaching centre in my 11^th? The  2011 CLAT fiasco? Hmm..maybe i can begin from there..or not. Thing is i didn’t make it to any of the colleges under CLAT in 2011, and i was just so passionate about doing law “only in one of the top three colleges” and especially ‘fantasising” literally about nlsiu, i resolved to do it all over again. To get out of my house i joined “school of law” sastra university.( Never heard of it? Don’t blame you). That was when i came across clatgyan.” What an idea sirji”? was the first thought that struck me. Also, i came across the articles “beyond a hopeless end to endless hope?” by varsha deiveegan and  “the genie, the maze, the lamp” by aastha bhansali. These articles increased my resolve to write CLAT again. So i brilliantly packed my bags and came home after the first semester. I said “it’s CLAT or nothing” and studied. I’m not going to get into details of how many hours i put in, where i studied from. But, i gave it all i had. I literally poured my heart and soul into the CLAT preparation.  Trust me, solving 32 online mocks and 15 manual mocks is NOT  a joke. And analysing EVERY question after EVERY mock is definitely not a joke. I did all of that.  I didn’t give a damn about nlu-d cause my focus was ALWAYS nlsiu. Come may 13, 2012, 5:00 p.m., one line i had read while randomly  googling about CLAT second timers came to my mind, “ the bell rang and it was over. I could literally see my dreams come crashing down”. Exactly what i felt. After days of googling, surfing, screaming, crying and a well quite a lot of positive thinking as well, may 28^th dawned. Bright and clear. This was the day, judgement day, MY DAY, really?

Having read a plethora of articles about second-time success, one would naturally think this was one of those articles. That’s where there’s a twist in the tale. I didn’t make it. To any of the colleges. A score of 121 isn’t getting me anywhere. My world that i had so carefully constructed brick by brick, inch by inch, crumbled. I felt dead. Life lost all it’s meaning for me. Also, i don’t have great board marks. GLC, ILS are out of question and i didn’t write symbi. Which meant that i wouldn’t become the hot shot lawyer that i had always pictured myself as. I wasn’t going to do law because my parents had said a strict no to any other law college as i had come back from sastra only because i wanted a better place, infact the best place to study law. It felt like the end of the world and still does. Right now i have a seat in a pretty decent college to do B.A.journalism. A course most people think would suit my personality. But you know what? I want to study torts, contracts, IPC, jurisprudence, consti, etc. Not reporting and writing, photo journalism and the likes. Not that i don’t like those subjects, but because those are not the subjects i wanted to study. Want to study. Will always want to study.

People said that maybe “GOD” has something better in store for me. Whose god to decide what’s right for me? Who but me has the right to decide what i want to do with my life? Apparently the nut-cases in the CLAT committee do. I didn’t want to do law because it’ll get me a job with a fat pay package, but merely because of my love for the subjects. Be it law or the pre-law subjects, especially sociology.

Will i write CLAT 2013? I don’t know if i have the mental or emotional strength to. I feel completely drained of emotions. My tears glands have dried up. My future looks dark because i’m not going to do what i love.

Moral of the story: A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Be practical, sensible, but still chase your dreams. I don’t know how i am going to chase  mine, but just saying. Life is unfair, shit happens, cliché, cliché. It’s basically a dirty picture.